Archive for the ‘Random Observations’ Category

* NOTE: This didn’t occur to me before, but this applies to ANYONE with an iPhone who upgraded to the new OS.

Here’s a little tip for iPhone 4 users that I just learned from a colleague who visited an Apple store over the weekend – as a result of the new multi-tasking feature, every application you’ve ever used is open right now on your iPhone, in the background.

If you’ve been suffering from degrading performance, including but not limited to your outboundphone calls taking 5-10 seconds to start ringing and general slowness in other areas, this is the cause.

To see how many apps you currently have open simultaneously, double click on the button and scroll to see how many are open. Someone actually asked me “which button” when I was telling them about this over the phone. In case you have a similar question, I’m referring to… the *only* button on the iPhone 4.

Anyway, once you’ve double-clicked the button, hold down your finger on one app to bring up the minus sign and close to your hearts content. Rinse and repeat daily until Apple figures out a solution.

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MSN.com ran a feature story today on how to look hot in your bikini this summer; they actually created an entire video on the topic.

Unfortunately, most of it is hogwash. In fact, I can save you a lot of time. The groundbreaking formula for looking hot in your bikini this summer is:

Be Hot + Wear a Bikini

So yes, that precludes people who are not hot from looking hot in a bikini. It also precludes those who don’t wear bikinis from looking hot in one, even if they are hot.

Today, I’d like to give a shout out to another Web 2.0 guy who just can’t believe how retarded American can be – and boy is there a lot to talk about. Arguably a lot more entertaining than myself, and not to mention he actual puts some effort into this pursuit by creating videos, I highly suggest you check out Philip DeFranco’s YouTube channel if you’re in the mood for a good laugh and some stupid American bashing:

http://www.youtube.com/user/sxephil#play/uploads/

Being a relatively young guy, I value maintaining certain romantic and idealist aspects of a relationship; perhaps this will change as I age and become less concerned with basic human graces, but for the time being I would prefer to uphold the sanctity of my marriage by knowing as little as possible about the bowel movements of my significant other.

I plan to continue to delude myself by firmly believing that when women fart, birds chirp and butterflies flutter off towards the sun.

I am convinced, however, that toilets are designed to shatter this illusion on a daily basis, and I shall explain my theory with images:

One is your standard modern toilet bowl, the other an ancient amphitheater which was specifically designed to amplify sound and maximize its exposure to human ears. If one looks at the image of the amphitheater and extrapolates the design to imagine it as a full oval shape, you can see that the shape and design theory are virtually identical to the toilet.

How am I supposed to 1) stealthily go to the bathroom without offending my wife and 2) maintain my delusion that women do not make “bodily noises” when I am sitting on a mini-amphitheater which is specially designed to amplify my farts?

This is either a significant oversight in toilet design or a diabolical plan to squeeze any remaining sexual attraction out of male-female relationships. Personally, I think it’s the latter.