Archive for the ‘In The News’ Category

So I’m at work on a Monday morning in ‘internet surfing mode’ – you know, where the part of your brain that separates us from monkeys goes to sleep and you mindlessly read all the crap on your screen and impulsively click links.

I just happened to have had a new version of Windows installed on my machine last week, which reset all my browser settings, so I now have the default AOL homepage.

This stupid headline came up and single-handedly made me want to start writing this blog again:

Sandra Bullock's Dress at the Oscars 2012

Sandra Bullock at the 2012 Oscars

Why does this piss me off so much exactly? I’m not sure, to be honest. Maybe it’s because it actually made me have the immediately reaction that goes something like ‘Duh, what?? Sandra’s dress is EATING her?”, before my brain kicks back in with “God damnit…” and “who gives a shit?”.

It’s that sensationalist crap that media writers constantly regurgitate, trying to make the nonsense they write about seem more interesting.

Here’s the actual dress:

Image from

Does that look like it’s eating anything?

But then I saw the NEXT slide and I realized where Sandra was in real danger of being eaten:

Image from

What a waste of time. I can’t believe I even posted this.


This is a bit of old news at this point, but a recent discussion with a lady friend of mine has lead me to want to comment on this issue. The discussion went something like this:

Me (paraphrasing): “Kanye West is an idiot. His stunt at the VMA’s was selfish, stupid, pointless and rude.”

Her (paraphrasing): “Actually, I respect him. He’s not afraid to say what he thinks and he just uses the forums available to him.”

Kanye West Taylor Smith vmas

Now, clearly this person’s opinion is incorrect and I’d like to explain why, as well as give any of you who also have this opinion another opportunity to re-think your stance on this issue.

First of all, let’s break down exactly what happened at the VMA’s. Like many other artists that night, Taylor Swift won an award, in this case for best video. On the other hand, Kanye disagreed with this decision and decided to mount the stage during Miss Swift’s acceptance and declare that, in fact, Beyonce had the better video; actually, the best video ever. And I quote:

I’m sorry, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time.” – Kanye West

“I’m sorry” are the only worthwhile words in that statement. You should be Kanye.

But I digress. So basically what happened, in a nutshell, is that Kanye had a difference of opinion. So far so good. Unfortunately he then decided to ruin a little girl’s acceptance speech in front of a gigantic audience of peers on national television.

Now, luckily there aren’t many idiots who think his behavior is at all acceptable, but for any of those who do, let me explain why this behavior is simply unacceptable in human society.

Imagine, as we must, that there are a significant amount of people in that room that disagree with any given decision; after all, there are generally five contenders for each award, and most people have a preference of one or at most two people. So many if not most people are going to disagree on some level with each decision. Now imagine if everyone of those people decided to rush the stage, wrestle for control of the microphone and declare that the person who won did not deserve to win.

Exactly. Kanye West is definitively a rude, ignorant, utterly self-centered moron.

He also thinks he the ‘Jesus of this generation.’ What an idiot.

So, Kanye West you have officially joined George Bush, the man you hate so much, as a certified, card-carrying, Retarded American. On this blog at least.

Hopefully all of you idiots out there who voted for “change you can believe in” have realized that there has been… absolutely no change since Obama has been in office. Now, arguably Mr. Obama’s penchant for doing nothing is preferable to Mr. Bush’s propensity to screw everything up, but nonetheless I think we were all hoping for a little bit more after Obama’s great marketing campaign. It seems his strategy is more or less to stick his head in the sand and hope everything is better when he pulls it out – how could it get worse, right? Well, unfortunately it’s not really working and things are still getting slightly worse.

But anyway, enough political commentary – after not being funny for quite some time, Saturday Night Live decided to create some pretty funny and surprisingly honest comedy in regards to our president.

Please keep in mind that it starts off VERY SLOW and gets funny around 3:30, but you will want to at least listen a bit before to set the stage:

(Youtube took down the Video, so I have to send you to this website:

Finally, an article that allowed me to write my own cheesy lawyer joke:

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a criminal in a three-piece suit? Not much, evidently.

“Career Crook” Ronald Tackman went to his court hearing dressed in a suit and started wandering around the court. Apparently he slipped away to a different section of the court house, where a court reporter mistook him for a lawyer, at which point Ronald probably realized that he could just “bail” (if you will), made a small ruckus and then sauntered causally out of the court.

Mr. Tackman is still currently a free man, as no one has any idea where he is.

Ronald’s other notable accomplishments include a failed hijacking attempt with a homemade rubber band gun, and a failed escape attempt with a fake gun carved out of soap. Third time’s a charm I guess.

I have a personal message for Judge Kevin P. Moriarty: GIVE IT UP. Regardless of whether it’s true or not, your alleged masturbation is all over the news, internet and world. You can try to live this one down, but you are ALWAYS going to be the judge who probably was masturbating while asking a plaintiff about her panties.

I want to say right off the bat that it has not been conclusively proven that this judge was actually masturbating. It probably can’t be proven either way. What brings this into the realm of that particular brand of American retardosity is 1) that this guy is somehow IN this situation and 2) he actually tried to make a public statement rebutting the claim.

Let’s first take a look at #1. I want all my readers to imagine, if you will, what it would be like to be from another country at this time in history. Some of you may actually be from another country – you sit this one out because you already know the answer.

You are watching this country, which beyond any shadow of a doubt started off as one of the greatest human accomplishments of all time, and held the hope of liberty and progress for all humanity in it’s fledgling hands, become one of the biggest jokes in human history.

We just listened in horror to the presidency of George Bush (regardless of your politics, the man could NOT speak). Then we bred Kayne. Now this.

A good analogy for America is Bob Saget – the pure, innocent father-figure from one of our favorite show’s in the 90’s, becomes a filthy degenerate stand-up comedian.

Now let’s look at #2.

How exactly does someone who is supposed to be upholding all that is fair and righteous in society, rebut a claim that he was masturbating on the job?

Here is Judge Moriarty’s official response:

“I can assure you at no time was I ever acting in the role of a judge, using profanity repeatedly, directing the word f— to her, discussing her sex life or her panties, or in any way intentionally intimidating her or attempting to sexually harass her. For her to say ‘the majority of the time we were in the courtroom, it appeared as if judge Moriarty was masturbating under the bench,’ is a complete lie.”

Listen buddy, it’s over. You lost the Game of Life. Just let it go. For your sake, I hope your parents are dead and that your friends quickly block you from their Facebook profiles – or whatever. Now quit your job, move to the Cayman islands and catch crab for a living. Game over.

Modern society is preparing for its most recent plague, which will quite possibly be the most dangerous thing to happen to humanity since the last great outbreak: the release of the Swine Flu vaccination. That’s right, not the flu, the “prevention.”

A “top news story” featured on AOL this morning with the brazen title “2,000 Students at Washington State University Have Swine Flu.”

The article says that “More than 2,000 students at Washington State University have come down with swine flu symptoms in just the first week of classes, school officials said Friday” (Emphasis mine).

The alarmist and socially irresponsible title says the students “have the swine flu.” The article says that they have swine flu symptoms. What does that even mean? A runny nose? No doubt this information is based on self-reporting (like much of the “information” we have on the Swine Flu), which means that most of the students were probably hung over from the ‘first week of classes’ and reported these symptoms as potentially being the Swine Flu – because that’s what everyone is telling them it probably is.

No other information is provided in this fear-mongering article which serves no purpose other than to spread media hype in an attempt to grease the American population for the arrival of the soon-to-be-released Swine Flu vaccinations, coming soon to a doctor near you.

The article goes on to say that “A presidential panel estimates that upward of half of the U.S. population could come down with the H1N1 this year.” Oh my God, really?

Read what the Federal Health Minister of Australia has to say about the Swine Flu:

In Australia, where the winter season has begun, Federal Health Minister Nicola Roxon is reassuring parents the swine flu is no more dangerous than regular seasonal flu. “Most people, including children, will experience very mild symptoms and recover without any medical intervention,” she said.”

The article goes on to discuss that the Swine Flu is no more dangerous than any other seasonal flu, and will likely be responsible for possibly 100 death in the United States. Meanwhile, we will be mass-injecting over 75 million people with a vaccine that has been proven to be dangerous to our nervous systems.

This article
discusses Squalene, an ingredient in the Swine Flu that has been linked to very adverse symptoms which are probably worse than the Swine Flu.

As someone who works in marketing, I know a “pre-sell” when I see one. Pre-selling is an extremely powerful sales tactic in which a source that seems reputable (ie. the target audience is likely to trust the source) begins to subtly convince the intended victim, er, customer, that an upcoming product or service is worthwhile in order to increase the likelihood of selling the product once it arrives. says pre-selling is:
2) To promote (a product not yet on the market) by means of advertising.
3) To condition (a potential customer) in advance for later purchase of a product.

“But the Swine Flu vaccine is not a product ,” you say, “it’s intended to save the lives of millions of Americans!”

First of all, countless health officials and medical professionals do not agree – and I’ll bet most are afraid to speak up. Secondly, the vaccine absolutely is a product, and the drug companies are bracing themselves for the billions of dollars they are about to receive from the sale of Swine Flu vaccines.

The “pandemic” is nothing but a combination of very good marketing on the part of Drug companies, and the fear-mongering of a bunch of lemmings, the media, who maintain their station in our society by spreading fear, misinformation and half-truths.

Most people in the mainstream media are most likely just stupid, or irresponsible at worst. On the other hand, the drug companies are downright profit-hungry murderers, a plague on their fellow human beings (if they can be called humans at all).

They use us as guinea pigs for profit.

It’s difficult to blame this one on the stupidity of the American public because this is one of the most well-planned and well-executed marketing ploys in history, and one that plays on the natural human fear to protect one’s health.

How many parents will unknowingly damage their child’s future health, in an ironic attempt to protect their health, in the coming year? How will we damage future generations of humanity with our drug experimentation?

I have no doubt that future generations will look back on these last few decades as an atrocity in the annals of human history, much like we now think about shock treatment and lobotomies to cure “mental illnesses” that were largely imagined.

As has been said before, “want to become a millionaire? Invent a disease and market the cure.”


Legal Disclaimer for the sake of our litigious society and drug companies which have far more money than I do: I am not a doctor and all of this is my opinion. You would be advised not to listen to anything I have written here and discuss your health with a doctor before making any decisions about the Swine Flu vaccination.