Judge Masturbates in Court – Only in America

Posted: October 1, 2009 in In The News, Only in America, Retarded Americans
Tags: ,

I have a personal message for Judge Kevin P. Moriarty: GIVE IT UP. Regardless of whether it’s true or not, your alleged masturbation is all over the news, internet and world. You can try to live this one down, but you are ALWAYS going to be the judge who probably was masturbating while asking a plaintiff about her panties.

I want to say right off the bat that it has not been conclusively proven that this judge was actually masturbating. It probably can’t be proven either way. What brings this into the realm of that particular brand of American retardosity is 1) that this guy is somehow IN this situation and 2) he actually tried to make a public statement rebutting the claim.

Let’s first take a look at #1. I want all my readers to imagine, if you will, what it would be like to be from another country at this time in history. Some of you may actually be from another country – you sit this one out because you already know the answer.

You are watching this country, which beyond any shadow of a doubt started off as one of the greatest human accomplishments of all time, and held the hope of liberty and progress for all humanity in it’s fledgling hands, become one of the biggest jokes in human history.

We just listened in horror to the presidency of George Bush (regardless of your politics, the man could NOT speak). Then we bred Kayne. Now this.

A good analogy for America is Bob Saget – the pure, innocent father-figure from one of our favorite show’s in the 90’s, becomes a filthy degenerate stand-up comedian.

Now let’s look at #2.

How exactly does someone who is supposed to be upholding all that is fair and righteous in society, rebut a claim that he was masturbating on the job?

Here is Judge Moriarty’s official response:

“I can assure you at no time was I ever acting in the role of a judge, using profanity repeatedly, directing the word f— to her, discussing her sex life or her panties, or in any way intentionally intimidating her or attempting to sexually harass her. For her to say ‘the majority of the time we were in the courtroom, it appeared as if judge Moriarty was masturbating under the bench,’ is a complete lie.”

Listen buddy, it’s over. You lost the Game of Life. Just let it go. For your sake, I hope your parents are dead and that your friends quickly block you from their Facebook profiles – or whatever. Now quit your job, move to the Cayman islands and catch crab for a living. Game over.

  1. Alison McElroy says:

    You have no idea what you are talking about! Kimberly Ireland has a long history of filing malicious cases and abusing civil process to exact revenge on anyone that dares to stand up to her.

  2. thestupidamerican says:

    Hi Alison. Did you even read the post?

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