Archive for April, 2009

Movie Review: Snakes on a Plane

Best Line: “I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!” — Samuel L. Jackson

I have a confession to make – I am sitting here watching “Snakes on a Plane” solely so that I can write about it.

First of all, this movie exemplifies a current trend that I absolutely despise: utterly unoriginal movie titles that leave nothing to the imagination.

“Fighter” is coming out soon. Any clue what this movie is about? How about “Snakes on a Plane?” If I know what the entire movie is going to be about just from the title, I’m not going to watch your movie. Can we put a little bit of thought into a multi-million dollar production?

I blame all you idiots who go see the movie any way, to distract yourself from your pathetic life for two hours.

After about 30 minutes of virtually nothing happening, this movie begins with a surfer witnessing a murder by an Asian gangster. Then for some reason not worth recounting, Samuel L. Jackson shows up – do we really need a reason? It’s Sam Jackson for God’s sake.

Then for some reason, also not worth explaining, they get on a plane. And this plane – wait for it – has some snakes on it. On the plane. Let me reiterate: there are snakes on this plane. I know, I love a good plot twist TOO. And these snakes are MEAN, deadly, highly intelligent, and on a mission. A mission to bite people. On a plane.

There really is nothing else worth talking about. Sometimes there are movies that you just know are going to be retarded, but you go see them just for something to do, and then the movie ends giving you at least a laugh or two, or pause for thought in one part or another, or some inkling of value. “Snakes on a Plane” is not one of these movies.

See This Movie If: Don’t See This Movie.

Don’t See This Movie If: Let me reiterate: there is no reason for you to ever see this movie. Ok, if you have a blog in which you make fun of movies on a regular basis to emphasize how stupid American culture is, AND you’re bored on a Sunday night, then maybe you should see this movie. Otherwise, do NOT SEE THIS MOVIE.